THIS SEGMENT OF THE STORY CONTAINS SOME RIDICULOUS SHIT YOU HAVE PROBABLY SEEN, EXPERIENCED, OR WITNESSED FIRST-HAND.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Reader discretion is advised.
Year 20XX, Winter, On A Certain Day in February.
I, Hotta Youta, am twenty-seven years old this year. I live alone where my age equals my time without a girlfriend. Also a virgin, high school dropout and a former-hikikomori.
Currently working at metalworking factory, in Tokyo’s metropolitan Oota district.
“It was a cold day like this, when Tanaka passed away….”
Having finished work, it was a boring walk home, while, regretfully recalling painful memories.
I became a hikikomori in my high school days— even though I call it hell, I am by no means exaggerating it.
My only back-up plan was taking the entrance exam, in case I failed the enrollment for other private high schools, but I failed to pass the examination for even low level private high school. At that time, my friend, Tanaka Kouji and I, were bullied by three DQN(delinquent) in the same class.
I think because we were targeted we both became thin and weak-willed.
Then getting beaten up was a common occurrence.
Extortion, burning my skin with cigarette buds, masturbating in front of the delinquents, licking and drinking out of a urinal— they never stopped.
I was scared of getting to know my classmates so I kept thinking that they were of no concern to me.
The homeroom teacher, wanting to avoid the situation, pretended not to see most of the fights.
Without the courage to oppose them, we just continued to take the bullying silently.
I was released from their bullying only when we got to second year.
The reason is that our classes changed.
It turned out only I was separated from them while Tanaka and the delinquents were in the same classroom.
Since they’d need to go out of their way to cross over to my classroom, they didn’t bother bullying me. The outcome was, the brunt of it was concentrated on Tanaka. Yet, I didn’t even think of helping him.
I just breathed a sigh of relief having been released from being bullied.
As I expected, I’ll only be saved if he’s sacrificed.
An incident occurred before second year’s winter break.
As a former bullied child, I chose to distance myself from the surroundings; always eating lunch alone.
Rather than eat in the toilet in winter, the back of the school building is less popular. Therefore, in those cold days, I always ate lunch outside.
Tanaka and the delinquents had gathered there.
He was naked in seiza position on the ground while shivering and fully soaked with water.
Besides being left with a water bucket, he apparently had dry leaves clinging to his body.
The delinquent group seemed to be having fun as they laughed and took pictures with their smartphone.
Tanaka recognizing me, faced me with a gaze seeking for help.
The three of them also turned around after noticing me.
“What are you looking at? Skinny midget.”
“What’s with that expression? Huh!?”
I became frightened by their voice and ran away at full speed
Tanaka’s face went paled in despair after I abandoned him. Even now, I vividly remember it.
I definitely won’t forget this for my entire life.
That very same night, Tanaka committed suicide by hanging himself by the slide at the playground.
In his suicide note he accused about the bullying done by those 3.
The school dealt with the problem by immediately and indefinitely suspending those the trio.
By immediately suspending them, the school had intended to conclude the incident before the situation had become worse.
After the school disposed of them according to their plan, it had become a discussion about the perpetrators’ companions.
A settlement to the discussion was met in one month.
The perpetrators had to pay fine which was a lot of money to the victim’s parents when they settled.
Tanaka’s suicide ended up in a small column written on a local newspaper.
Since that year, I had stayed inside my home.
I felt responsible for Tanaka’s suicide — furthermore, now that he passed away, I became the target of the delinquent’s bullying while sitting around. And because of my fear of being bullied, I became unable to leave from my room at my home.
I’m a pessimistic, despicable coward. However, I was unable to leave my room at those days.
Eventually, I dropped out of high school.
Since then, I’d always stayed inside my room engrossed in gaming, manga, anime, model guns, and modern weapon system and the like.
I admired modern weapon system especially the model guns. Then, using a real handgun to shoot those three delinquents to death. I really want to have a dream where I board a tank and chase them and stuff.
When I approached the age of twenty, my father’s connections in Tokyo’s Oota district will get me a job in a metalwork factory, or I’ll get a million yen and leave my family.
1,000,000 is a lot. But, at best, I don’t think I’ll have that in only a year.
I can’t have that option. —
However, it was good regardless of the outcome. Even though I’m sometimes confine myself indoors, aside from taking the responsibility for my younger siblings, I had no future prospects.
The teacher gave me his seal of approval by saying “Certainly eligible for Tokyo University!” to my typical parents, as long as I dont’ become baggage no matter what to my 4 superior and younger siblings, it’ll be fine.
In reality, after moving to Tokyo University, because this was my first time living alone, I never had gotten into a contact with anyone.
The typical me that had been cast away by my parents was carefree and happy.
Above all, because I was separated from that mountain town, I will never again meet those delinquent trio.
The metal-working factory of my father and the others was strict but it wasn’t filled with unreasonable violence. I was even instructed carefully in the job.
Compared to my hellish life in the last year of high school, the difference is heaven and earth.
Originally, I was confident in my skillful and dextrous fingers. Again and again, since I strived to meet expectations, I had to acquire a lot of skills.
If you were to compare me to those who are called craftsman, I may not even hold a foot…
Thus I immersed myself in my job to forget those hellish high-school days for approximately 7 years — but, every time it became cold in winter, I remember Tanaka.
If I had been a little brave or something, it might had not ended up in suicide, wouldn’t it…?
At the usual convenience store, I bought my evening bento and tea.
“…Now, even though I’m a good person, I still haven’t recovered.”
While sighing from melancholy, I walked toward the residential area.
There remained 10 meters until I reached my home but I noticed on the way, a suspicious man standing.
So that I could avoid the detestable light from the street lights, I had leaned on the concrete wall.
Because of the moonlight, I was dimly able to make out his figure.
He wore a hooded jacket, and jeans under him. Doesn’t he feel cold? That’s not the sort of coat you should wear. Because he was looking down I wasn’t able to see his face. I was able to judge him as having a height of 180 centimeters, and a plain physique.
If I start retracing my steps for main road and pretend not to see him after such a long time, on the contrary, he’ll likely give me strange vibes.
It did not look like he wanted to fight since he was glancing down, so I’ll take as much distance as possible while I try to pass him.
“ Hey, wait sec….”
After he called me, I involuntarily stood still.
The man began heading straight to me.
As the street light shone on that guy’s face, I was able to check his face.
My goggling eyes did not meet his gaze, he had a bad skin complexion, a unshaven face, gaping nose pierce, and from the nape of the neck there hung a tattoo.
Surprisingly, he had changed completely, I understood immediately. It was one of the 3 delinquents that had bullied me, it was their leader. I’m sure his name was…. Souma Ryouichi
“Ain’t It cuz a you that ma lifes in da dumps! Aaaah! Fuck!!! Why me!!”
“Ah, uh, ah…….”
The time came for him to get back at me, I feel nauseous because he reeked of something like garbage. If I remember correctly, I read that there’s a legal drug on the internet that if you intake it, you smell like this.
The other party is in an unstable state. But right now, I’ll just turn around pretend not to notice, and run away when possible.
However a flashback of my hellish past made my legs tremble, and kept me from moving.
“Tanaka-kuun! Hotta-kuun! Ya look like trash! You know he died silently, right!? Damn it!”
He took out something like a cheap kitchen knife, he’d have bought with a hundred yen, from his hoodie’s pocket.
My fear reached its apex as I screamed miserably, I threw the convienience store bag I was holding, turned around and ran with everything I had.
The thought of bravely fighting and subduing him didn’t come to my mind even once.
But, I could do nothing but scream and run.
Run, run, run, run, run— charging to the park.
Even after that, he eventually caught up and shoved me from behind.
I ran with as much vigor as I had but fell face first into the sandbox.
As soon as he mounted me, without any hesitation, with both hands he swung down the kitchen knife.
I felt the blood erupted on my pierced chest.
From pain, the previous stimulating sensation became hot.
“Die! Damn it! Damn it! Damn iiiiiiiiiiitt!!!”
He continued, and continued, and continued stabbing me with the kitchen knife, forcefully breaking my ribs while letting out a cry.
I could tell that my consciousness was quickly receding to it’s border a number of times.
I heard a woman’s scream in the distance as if I was underwater.
My eyelids were as heavy as lead and had the feeling of falling down into an abyss.
The last scene I saw was me bathing in my own pool of blood, and his face looking like a mad man.
My consciousness stopped like a frozen TV screen.
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